Thursday, September 18, 2008

Kitties, Eunuchs and bromance:
Something was in the air this morning on
Morning Joe

At a press conference held earlier this morning by the New York City Department of Environmental Protection, it was announced that a large-scale gas leak of nitrous oxide (aka "laughing gas") throughout the NBC studios at Rockefeller Plaza was responsible for today's silly and at times ridiculous behavior of the Morning Joe cast.

Minutes after Morning Joe ended it's broadcast, several HAZMAT teams were deployed throughout the building to locate and determine the severity of the leak. It was discovered that not one, but several tanks of nitrous oxide were being discharged throughout the building's ventilation system. Authorities are still trying to determine how such large amounts of the euphoric gas found it's way into 30 Rock, but in a Viva Chuck Todd exclusive, several NBC employees who on the condition of anonymity, claimed that several tanks of the gas were being used by Countdown with Keith Olbermann crew members to help them tolerate and laugh at Olbermann's jokes; providing the familiar off-camera chortles frequently heard on his show. It was also claimed by these sources that the gas was also being used by Rachel Maddow to help her get through the Kent Jones Just Enough segment at the end of her new show. Although the investigation is still in it's infancy, fingers already point to Al Roker as the key suspect for bringing the gas to 30 Rock. It appears that Roker has been using the gas for years on The Today Show cast and crew in getting them to think he was the least bit funny - a technique he adapted from his predecessor, Willard Scott.

The behavior that tipped the scales and led many viewers to flood the New York City 911 system with calls was the moment Harold Ford Jr. began to smile. Concern amongst viewers reached it's zenith when Ford actually tried to crack a joke. The uncharacteristically ebullient mood was not isolated to Ford. Ol' Man Barnacle and Our Man Willie sat uncomfortably close to each other throughout the entire show. The proximity of their chairs and the effect of the noxious gas was apparently too much for the men, culminating in a Bush/Merkel-esque shoulder rub and a celebratory on-air embrace. Earlier, Barnacle had admitted to being a "cat man" and someone who keeps his cat in his car's glove compartment while he shuffles around Home Depot in his off-hours. Another "canary in the coal mine" was Mika Brzezinski, who herself displayed effects of the gas. In her case though, she was serious, introspective and constantly trying to bring order to the group. Brzezinski is currently undergoing tests at New York-Presbyterian Hospital as doctors are tying to determine why laughing gas would have the opposite effect on her. Amazingly, Scarborough himself appeared to be unaffected, displaying the bi-polar tendencies usually seen by viewers.

In a related story, authorities were also dispatched to the CNBC studios at the New York Stock Exchange where International Superstar, Erin Burnett herself appeared to be a tad loopy and uttered the unfortunate term "eunuch" on-air raising suspicions that she too, was affected by the gas.

It is important to note that The Chuck was unharmed and the Washington D.C. bureau was declared safe by local authorities.


Bridget said...

Easily the funniest f'in thing I have read and seen all year - Give those VCT guys a raise!

crude analysis said...

great post. but i've always wondered.... WHY IS JOE SO BIPOLAR??? one day he'll be joking around and mika tries to control him with her seriousness. then the next day joe is yelling at everyone. in fact, his bipolarness is also political--some days he's conservative and some days he's liberal. i definitely love joe, but every morning, you never know which joe you're gonna get. and it affects the mood of everyone else too. if joe is laid back, it creates for an awesome show. if joe's in a bad mood, everyone else is in a bad mood. hopefully joe is aware of this. but i guess its good that he mixes it up. a laid back show, a serious show, etc. sometimes i feel like he's gonna rage though. perhaps once every week or two. morning joe, best show on television.... and i'd have no reason to wake up in the morning if it ever went off the air.

Dina said...

I was watching yesterday morning and I wondered what the heck was up. Mika seemed like den mother to a bunch of unruly Cub Scouts at the start of the show. And I missed the whole hugging/Erin Burnett part!

And you know I love all my Chuckolytes, especially Paul, the king of us all (hey that rhymes!) but . . . breaking bad on my man Keith? I do love me some Olbermann -- even at his most over the top!

kc said...

Sometimes Joe gets upset. And I applaud him. Blaming the financial crisis on the Community Reinvestment Act is ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous.

Joe is always a conservative. But he is a traditional southern conservative. States should govern their own abortion laws, marriage laws, etc. Fiscal spending should be controlled and tax policy should not be used to redistribute income and wealth.