Monday, October 13, 2008

Hey look! It's Pat Riley - Oh wait, it's The Chuck

Many of you commented on The Chuck's appearance this morning on Morning Joe. Most notably, the saucy wet look he was sportin'. Well, the senior editorial staff of Viva Chuck Todd was briefed late this afternoon on the cause of the moistened follicles.

It appears while en route to work (the NBC Washington D.C. Bureau) early this morning from his bucolic Virginia home, The Chuck caught sight of a building ablaze. He quickly responded to the sight by skillfully wrenching his black 1964 Corvette Stingray across three lanes and a grassy burm to the nearest highway exit to investigate. By the time The Chuck roared to the scene, the building was a hellish inferno. It turns out that the burning building was the Susan Lucci Home for Wayward Youths. A halfway house for teenage actors who didn't quite make it in the Baltimore theater scene and ended up on the street. The home was essentially an angel with shuttered wings helping unfortunate young soap star wannabes find a future.

Upon arriving at the scene, The Chuck was immediately recognized by law enforcement and firemen. He asked if there was anything he could do. The on-scene Fire captain, William O'Shaughnessy deferred to The Chuck. As six engines turned the full wet fury of their hoses on the building, The Chuck doffed his suit jacket, loosened his tie and bolted for the front door of the building. Minutes later, he emerged with a teen on each shoulder. He carefully handed them over to the EMT's standing by and raced back in knowing that there were more to be saved. Eight people later, The Chuck sat on the curb, soaking wet and wrapped in a blanket sipping bottled water asking Chief O'Shaughnessy if everyone was accounted for. The Chief's answer was "yes". The Chuck grabbed his jacket off of the hood of his car and was about to leave when a young girl ran up to him pleading that he rescue her puppy "Luntz". According to eyewitnesses, this young girl sank into Chuck's heaving pecs and begged that he rescue the poor dog. She admitted that the dog was significantly overweight and not that smart, but she loved him just the same. Not wasting a moment, The Chuck gently placed the girl in the arms of a county child protective services worker and sprinted for the building. As beams and embers fell like confetti, The Chuck darted from room to room calling for Luntz, the fat stupid dog. Luntz was in the bathtub of the very last room The Chuck was able to check. Scorched and soaked, The Chuck scooped up Luntz and began to head back from whence he came. It was then when the ceiling collapsed and all sources of egress were eliminated. The only way out was out a small bathroom window 25 feet above the street. The Chuck threw Luntz out the window to the fireman below where he was successfully caught. People on the street could see The Chuck begin to scramble through the small window when at the same moment a gas main blew. In a half-second the building was a cloud of splinters and orange heat. Many on the scene believed that there was no way The Chuck could've survived the blast. But to the shock of all who witnessed the pre-dawn conflagration; unexpectedly, a black Stingray squealed from the scene as quickly as it arrived.

Six minutes later, The Chuck was on-air sitting next to the lovely Andrea Mitchell speaking of the anemic McCain numbers and October surprises.

Little did any of us know that The Chuck's hair was still wet from the fire hoses and his heart was still full from saving lives, especially Luntz, the beloved stupid fat dog.


The Pajama Pundit said...

What a great tale of heroism and stupid-fat-dogs!

I do so hope that someday there will be a hardcover, leatherbound collection of these. Look out Amazon!


crude analysis said...

The Chuck's "wetness" made him look especially bald yesterday morning. Actually, I hadn't initially realized the wetness. All I knew was something was different and he looked much more bald than the last time I saw him. He should definitely lose the bald look, wet or not. But he's a superhero, so I guess it's ok. However, it's really disappointing that he decided to save Luntz, the fat stupid dog. He should've let Luntz go down in flames. Fox News would've lost its primary source of substantiating arguments and I most certainly would've been amused.

Best Regards,
Crude Analysis

Anonymous said...

Oh my God! I about fell over laughing when I read this. Are they referring to Frank Luntz? He certainly matches the dog's description? Did The Chuck and Luntz have a run in like James Cromwell and The Chuck had this morning? Cromwell was damn near insubordinate to The Chuck today on MJ. Obviously he is unaware of VCTs infamous "On Notice" list.

You guys have one of those right?

Anonymous said...

After reading this, I had to watch the Cromwell interview again on The Mothership. It looked to me a lot like The Chuck was trying to rile Farmer Hoggett. His first question put him on the defensive, and he made no bones of not being an Oliver Stone fan. I think Cromwell was just holding his own, especially given he obviously didn't want to be there schilling the movie to begin with.

On a completely different subject, anyone see Mika on David Gregory's show yesterday? She was fantastic.

Anonymous said...

hey, it's Stretch Cunningham! (yes, I'm carbon-dating myself here)

Seriously though, wtf is up w/Frank Luntz? I remember him at Penn and he was an Olsen twin compared to what he is now